


My Tears Ricochet

by Jeep_Girl



Series: My Tears Ricochet [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, F/F, Heavy Angst, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27727027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeep_Girl/pseuds/Jeep_Girl
Summary: If T. Swift's song My Tears Ricochet was a Supercorp song and they never got to reconcile. This is HELLA SAD folks. Just sad. No happy. None. Not even at the end.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: My Tears Ricochet [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046947
Comments: 20
Kudos: 142





	My Tears Ricochet

**Author's Note:**

> Why? Because I saw a suggestion on twitter and I'm a glutton for punishment. I did not make it through writing this without crying a little... 
> 
> Thanks go to Alena (@gayluthxr) for the idea...

_We gather here_

_We line up weeping in a sunlit room_

_And if I'm on fire_

_You'll be made of ashes, too_

_Even on my worst day_

_Did I deserve, babe_

_All the hell you gave me?_

_'Cause I loved you_

_I swear I loved you_

_'Til my dying day_

It was an unusually cold, windy, overcast, rainy day in July in National City – the day they buried Lena Luthor in the ground. Kara found it very fitting. In fact, she thought it should look like this every day moving forward. Because without Lena Luthor, that’s exactly the kind of weather this city, the entire world, deserved.

It was a small gathering for the CEO, kept secret from the media, held a day after Lex had put on a big show for the world as he pretended to morn the loss of his dear beloved sister. Even Supergirl was there, beside Lex. Except it wasn’t really her. It was M’gann, pretending to be her. This might be because Kara Danvers was entirely too distraught to wear the cape and put on a brave face and deliver a eulogy worthy of Lena’s legacy, of her actions before she was their enemy. Or perhaps it was because Kara swore to Alex that the next time that she had the chance, she was going to kill Lex. And so, she had been forbidden from going. This resulted in quite the blowup between the two sisters, both trying to accept the reality of the youngest Luthor’s death, to mourn her death while also dealing with the fallout that came from it. Alex was trying to be there for her sister. Kara, however, wasn’t having it.

Today though, today was just the Superfriends coming to pay their respect to their former friend turned enemy. Who would have thought it would have ended this way for Lena? Alex sighs as the car pulls up and Kelly puts it into park. The rain pelts the windshield.

“Any word from Kara?” Kelly asks, already sure she knows the answer. Alex shakes her head from side to side just once, staring off. Kelly reaches over and takes Alex’s hand in her own. “I know you want to be there for her. She knows you are here for her, when she is ready.” Kelly reflects back to her own approach with Alex, when Jeremiah had died. She hopes it is the right approach for Alex to take with Kara. Alex lets out a tired, ragged breath as they exit the car, huddled under an umbrella they make their way to the grave.

_I didn't have it in myself to go with grace_

_And you're the hero flying around saving face_

_And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?_

_Cursing my name_

_Wishing I stayed_

_Look at how my tears ricochet_

Almost everyone is here, huddled together. Nia cries silently next to Brainy who stares off, clearly lost in his own thoughts. When he does speak, all he utters is “this isn’t how it was supposed to be.” J’onn and M’gann stand together, the most stoic of the group, silently supporting each other and being the de facto leaders of the group on this day. Alex and Kelly hold hands tightly, thankful that they have each other as their eyes fill with tears and Alex tucks her head into Kelly’s shoulder and whispers “How did it all fall apart like this?” Kelly kisses her head and lets her cry. The six friends stand in solidarity, the rain turned to a drizzle as the service is delivered.

As the sermon is coming to an end, Alex sees her sister land a short distance away. She flew here in civilian clothing, no longer caring about her secret identity apparently. Alex sighs and nods her head towards Kara to let Kelly know. No one has seen or heard from Kara in several days, not since Alex and Kara fought about her going to Lex’s show of a funeral. Alex knows Kara is blaming herself for what happened. But she didn’t know. None of them did. She watches Kara approach but then stop, standing off and away, letting herself be rained on. Alex can see Kara is already soaked to the bone. She wonders if Kara didn’t fly straight into the storm on her way here. Kara stands without an umbrella, her clothes drenched and stuck to her skin, yet seemingly unfazed by it. She simply stands back and waits with a faraway look on her face that is unreadable.

The sermon ends and the group is left to pay their last respects, Kara doesn’t come closer, she continues to wait purposefully. It is clear she isn’t here for them. She is here for Lena. Alex is the last to go.

“I’m sorry, Lena, for more than you will ever know. I’m sorry for not looking past your last name, for not trust you, for lying to you, for not letting Kara tell you the truth when she wanted to… but most importantly I am so sorry for not figuring things out before it was too late.”

With those words, Alex looks at her sister and nods. Kara doesn’t acknowledge her. She turns and walks away, leaving Kara alone with Lena.

_We gather stones_

_Never knowing what they'll mean_

_Some to throw_

_Some to make a diamond ring_

_You know I didn't want to_

_Have to haunt you_

_But what a ghostly scene_

_You wear the same jewels_

_That I gave you_

_As you bury me_

Kara stands still for several minutes, unable to force herself forward. She knows by doing so, she will have to truly face reality and while she is heartbroken now, she is pretty sure she will shatter herself entirely by doing what she must next. So instead, she is frozen, unable to move.

She isn’t sure how much time has gone by – it could have been a few minutes or a few hours – by the time she finally approaches the grave. She walks up and sighs, sitting down next to it. She is crying before she even speaks. She looks down at her wrist and fiddles with the bracelet, spinning in around on her wrist. Lena had given it to her a couple years ago. It wasn’t even for a specific occasion, Lena had simply said she was doing some shopping, saw it and thought of Kara and so she bought it for her. That was it, plain and simple. Kara gets it now, though. The bracelet has blue jewels that almost match her eyes. Another thing she understands, too little too late.

“Nothing I ever do in the future will undo what I did to you Lena…” Kara sobs after that simple statement, unable to form words for some time after that. Kara is finally feeling the weight of this loss, the weight of losing her best friend permanently, the weight of knowing Lena Luthor will never again walk this Earth, that she will never again see Lena smile or laugh. God – what Kara would even give for Lena to yell at her again, be mad at her again. She doesn’t even care if she hated Kara as long as she was alive again.

_I didn't have it in myself to go with grace_

_'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave_

_And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?_

_Cursing my name_

_Wishing I stayed_

_Look at how my tears ricochet_

Kara stays by the grave for a long time after that, replaying the last few months in her head, trying to understand how they went from good to bad to worse to… this. Sure, Lena was still angry with her for not telling her she was Supergirl. Sure, that meant she decided to work with Lex after everything. But Kara knows, she knows what the final push was.

**“if you continue to work with Lex, if you go through with whatever it is the two of you are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like I would any other villain.”**

She did the one thing she swore she would never do. She treated Lena like a villain. Like a Luthor. Why did she say that to Lena? It only got worse after that. Lena became hyperfocused on her project with Lex. And Kara became hyperfocused on Lena… on stopping them. Which meant Lex became hyperfocused on Kara.

It all blew up in Kara’s face.

_And I can go anywhere I want_

_Anywhere I want_

_Just not home_

_And you can aim for my heart, go for blood_

_But you would still miss me in your bones_

_And I still talk to you_

_When I'm screaming at the sky_

_And when you can't sleep at night_

_You hear my stolen lullabies_

When Lena showed up at Kara’s door, she wanted to let her in. She wanted to trust her; she really did. But after everything, all their harsh words and betrayals over the last few weeks and months, she questioned Lena’s motives. And so, Lena did what she does best, she shut down. She put her own walls back up. But not before lashing out in anger back at Kara. She stormed out. For a split second, Kara had the urge to chase after her. She will carry the guilt of not listening to this urge for the rest of her life.

It turns out, Lena wasn’t lying. Lex did have plans to use Lena’s research for nefarious purposes - mind control. This all came to light a little while later. Though, Kara was too busy fighting two Luthors in their Lexosuits to realize one of them might be doing it against their own free will.

Kara knows hindsight is 20/20. She knows now that the look Lena was giving her was one of forgiveness for what she knew Kara had to do. The slight head nod she gave Kara. She was telling Kara to do it. She was telling Kara it was ok. That she accepted her fate at Kara’s hands. These minute facial gestures that happened so quickly they would have been missed by a normal human. But Kara saw them. They are forever engrained in her mind. And she continues to replay them over and over in her mind. She ignored them in the moment. She couldn’t afford to be confused in the middle of battle. But maybe if she had let herself be confused, to pause and wonder why Lena was giving her these signals… Lena would still be alive.

_I didn't have it in myself to go with grace_

_And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves_

_You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same_

_Cursing my name_

_Wishing I stayed_

_You turned into your worst fears_

_And you're tossing out blame_

_Drunk on this pain_

_Crossing out the good years_

_And you're cursing my name_

_Wishing I stayed_

_Look at how my tears ricochet_

It’s been a month since the day Lena died. No one has spotted Supergirl since Lena’s official funeral hosted by Lex. Kara Danvers has also not been seen at Catco for several weeks. Alex and the Superfriends continue to reach out to her, but to no avail. Alex even shows up at her apartment but finds nothing.

Kara hasn’t been the same since Lena died. She thought she was sad, heartbroken when they were no longer friends. But now that Lena is gone from this mortal existence, she finds her life devoid of meaning. She spends her days lost in insurmountable feelings of grief, using alien alcohol to cope in the evenings as she hides in Lena’s penthouse, cursing Lena for dying on her before they could fix things, before she could tell Lena that she loves her.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on instagram or twitter for this... @Forever_angsty


End file.
